We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers. - I Thessalonians 1:2

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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Loving One More?

I'm linking up with Shell today for Pour Your Heart Out.

Today's topic is one that I've thought a lot about now that I have two children-- one of each gender. I read this post a couple of weeks ago. It was one mom's confession of why she thought she loved her son just a little bit more than her daughter. A lot of it had to do with the vastly different birthing experiences she had with each of her children. If you read the post, read the follow-up here.

The thing is-- I get what she's trying to say. I wouldn't say I love Brennan more than Cate or Cate more than Brennan. I love them equally, but I love them differently. My husband and I even had a discussion about this after I read that post. He feels the same way. Through our discussion, I kind of came to the conclusion that it mostly comes down to gender (though not all, because I realize parents of children that are the same gender probably feel like they love them differently too).

Cate is a lot like me. And while it's important to be her parent and not her BFF for the next couple of decades or so, I hope we'll eventually grow to be friends as she transitions into an adult. Much like the relationship my mom and I have.

(shooting bubbles with her bubble gun)

I talk to my mom just about every day. Sometimes it's just for a minute or two. It was a habit we got into when I was pregnant with Cate and she'd call to check on me. But even before that, I talked to her a few times a week. We're friends. I value her opinion and advice. Though there were moments as a teen in which I thought I hated her, at the end of it all, I realized she always tried to do what was best for me and it's probably why we get along so well now. No matter how many girlfriends Cate envelopes into her own life, I hope she'll make a place for me when she becomes an adult.

(tap costume preview)

But Brennan? He's a little different. He will grow up and I hope we are friends too. But I know that I will not always be the number one woman in his life (and I shouldn't be). I hope he'll want to talk to me and that he'll value my opinion and advice, but ultimately, I hope he finds the kind of love I have with his Daddy-- I hope he meets a woman that exceeds anyone I could imagine being his partner for life. And I think that's why I love him differently. Because I know that even though the day is far away, the day will inevitably come where the leading lady role is fulfilled by someone else. In fact, this post puts what I feel into words quite well.

(holy cow-- when did he get big enough to sit in an exersaucer)

And Eric feels the same way, but opposite, y'know? He knows he won't always be Cate's leading man, but he hopes and prays that he and Brennan are always good friends-- that they can catch a game together, or go have a beer together, or exchange regular emails or phone calls.

So that's why I feel that while I love my children equally, I also love them differently. Not more, just different.

~Melody :-)

PS...Tomorrow I turn 29 for real (as opposed to turning "29 again," though I think I'll be one of those women that fully embraces 30 the way I've fully embraced the strands of white hair I've found on my hair instead of running to the salon for highlights and color). So my giveaway will be closing with a winner announced on Friday. Comments for the giveaway will close somewhere around 4:23pm (EST), the time I came into this world. So go. Enter.


mama marchand said...

That last photo of Brennan? ADORABLE.

It's interesting to hear perspectives on this from parents of 2+ kids. I have always wondered about this. Thanks for your honest, mama!

(happy birthday, in advance!)

Beth said...

I love this post. I'm an only child...and have only one child. Siblings are foreign to me and I love hearing these types of perspectives!

Tara R. said...

I have a daughter (22yo) and a son (18) and they are so different. I too love them both unconditionally, but our relationships are also very different.

Now that my daughter is in college and away from home, we are becoming more like friends. She calls to ask for my advice or to vent, to tell me something good that happened to her. It's a nice change from her sullenness in high school. My son is a momma's boy, but he is more friends with his dad.

Our children are different, how we interact would have to be different too. Love is love, whatever way it's shown.

(dropping by from PYHO)

Shell said...

I have 3 boys and the love for each is different. Still love them the same, but they are all so different.

Emily said...

Great post! I actually have a similar one that I wrote for today. It's a very interesting topic, especially when you have 2 children of different genders. I totally relate to your relationship with your Mom. Mine is the same with my Mother.. enemies, then friends. Funny how that happens in the end. :)

Happy birthday, chica!