Around this time last year, I shared a very personal post. A post about how I struggled with anxiety and worry and fear. A lot of this was tied to perfectionism and control. When things weren't perfect or when I couldn't control them, I worried and became afraid. I had been like this for a lot of my life-- getting stomachaches and experiencing nausea before school started or before big tests or after fights with friends or when I didn't do well on something. It multiplied exponentially after Cate turned one, got really sick for the first time, and spent a night in the hospital.
After that, a lot of stuff ensued with my own health, which you can read about the post I linked to in my first sentence. Medication kept my symptoms at bay, but I was still anxiety-ridden. So then I began fighting back. I wanted to be free not just from the medication, but from the worry too. I find it no coincidence that as I was writing that post about finally breaking free, God had been forming Brennan in my womb for about a week. Don't worry-- I had been off the medication for a month by the time I wrote that post.
And I find it no coincidence that Brennan is a peaceful baby. His dedication at church was on February 20th. We got to introduce him to everyone at the special dedication service and we talked about how he was a mellow little man.
Our pastor prayed for him, and prayed specifically that he would be a man of peace. How appropriate given that finding peace was something I struggled with for so long. And it definitely radiates from our little man. He doesn't fuss a whole lot. He didn't even cry that hard when he got his vaccinations at his two month checkup yesterday (he weighs 11 lbs 15 oz and is 23 inches long). He smiles and coos a lot. He brings us joy and peace. My Type-A personality has taken a bit of a back seat since his arrival. The dirty house doesn't drive me as crazy (although we did hire someone to come give it a good once-over deep clean), I'm not hung up on getting Brennan on a schedule (he's kind of put himself on one, but every day is a little different), the piles of laundry wait, you get the idea. There is just a peace about our house.
After Brennan's dedication, we headed out to the atrium of our church to enjoy cake with family and friends.
Cate had fun celebrating her little brother's special day with her friends as well.
I continue to pray for peace for both of my kids. I hope they are never up all night before a test or a presentation, nearly sick with worry. I pray that they don't experience the nausea and other unpleasant symptoms that come with being so full of anxiety. I pray for boldness and security instead of fear. I pray that we will be a family of peace, fully trusting in God and casting our cares on Him. And yes, Brennan was rockin' our family dedication/baptism gown. Cate wore it at hers, and my brother, sister, and I all wore it at ours. Brennan's name is embroidered right by his sister's which is right next to mine.
In other news, Brennan's two month check up was yesterday and he is one healthy boy. He hovers between the 50th and 75th percentile for head circumference, weight, and height. He's been sleeping more at night, which makes Mommy and Daddy so thankful. Last night he ate around 9:30, fell asleep around 10:30 and didn't wake up to eat again until 5:10 this morning! Way to go and grow Brennan!
Happy Thursday! We are excited to get with our small group tonight after a two-week hiatus due to sickness in some of the families. And our Girl Scout cookies are that we bought from a couple of our friends' daughters are in. Bonus!