Knowing

I've written and re-written this post several times in my head, and every time I do, it sounds dumb. So I'll just put it out there-- How do you know when you're family is complete?

It's a question I've been struggling with since Brennan's birth. Before he was born, I was convinced that 2 was our magic number and we'd be done. And it certainly means we're done in this house since we've only got the two bedrooms and a third bed will NOT fit in there (we're not planning to move in the next 2 or 3 years anyway...but probably will in the next 4 or 5). But now? I'm not so sure. And who knows, maybe all of this confusion in my head is still post-partum hormones surging or something.

I love my peaceful little guy and my oh so sweet girl. And sometimes there's a part of me that wants another one or maybe two. But then the practical side of me kicks in. The part that reminds me that babies are cute and three-year-olds are fun (most of the time), but they grow up into kids that want to play sports and take dance and go to college. The dreamer part of me has big plans for our family. I want to do a Disney trip in a few years when they're 4 and 7 (so they'll remember it) with the dining plan included. I want to fly down there and stay at one of the resorts with a view of the castle. I dream of taking Cate and Brennan to Europe and exploring Australia or maybe Africa with them on vacations when they're older. We're disciplined about money here, and I believe we'll do those things. But I know that the more kids we add to our family, the more disciplined we'll have to be to do those things.

I love that with 2, they'll always have at least 1 parent at their soccer games/dance recitals/band concerts/etc. even if they both have an event on the same night. I love that with 2 we fit comfortably into a restaurant booth. Or in a small sedan (though we love our minivan, we don't need two). There are lots of things I love about just having two kids.

My heart is so full already. I'm blessed to have these two wonderful, healthy, beautiful kids. I love them equally and also differently (lovin' a little boy IS different than lovin' a little girl, but that's a post for another day). Add to all of this the fact that I refuse to use any form of hormonal birth control anymore. I've dealt with some of the nasty side effects and just don't care to do that anymore. I'm not a fan of the other forms of temporary non-hormonal birth control and after a lot of discussion, we feel like an outpatient surgery for my willing husband is the best way to go. When we're ready to do something permanent. Which we're not.

So I feel like I'm in limbo at the moment. I don't want another baby right now. Not next year either. And probably not the year after that if I'm being realistic. But I'm afraid to commit to a permanent form of birth control because I'm afraid I'll change my mind. I'm about 80% sure we're finished and 20% not so sure. I have friends that say they always knew they wanted x number of kids. Friends who already know their families are complete. But how? How do you know? How do you get to 100%? Is it when you're done with diapers and can't fathom doing it again? Is it when your kids are all in school and the thought of starting all over tires you out just thinking about it?

The question doesn't eat away at me or anything. I'm not stressed out about all this. I really just want to know how other families have come to be at peace with the size of their broods. Eric and I are praying for God's guidance on this one. That He'll make it clear to us when our family is complete. When B decides to get up at 4am to eat (instead of his usual 5:30), I think there's no way I want to do it again. When Cate snuggles into my side to read a book, I think that maybe I could. I want to be done with diapers but not done with cute little clothes.

For now, we're treating Brennan as if he'll always be our youngest. As he outgrows clothes, we give them away. We'll do the same with his toys and other baby gear. We've already given a lot of Cate's clothes away. And I guess, if God changes our minds, we'll start over and buy new things.

But seriously though-- for my few readers out there-- how do/did you know?

~Melody :-)

Linking up with Pour Your Heart Out today.

PS... I just realized that this is probably the most personal I've been on my blog in awhile. Thanks for reading. :-)

Porch Swing

There is a swing. On a porch. At a house in the quiet of eastern Kentucky. A few generations of babies have been rocked on that swing. I was rocked on that swing. Almost two and a half years ago, Cate got her first rock on the swing. Her wriggly 8-month-old body didn't stop for a picture on the swing, but I do have a picture of her on the porch, with my aunt. On Tuesday, Brennan took his first swing, three months into his one wild and precious life.
I have loved visiting my great aunt's house ever since I was a kid. We often hold family reunions there. As my grandmother and her two sisters get older, fewer summers go by without a family get-together. Those get-togethers always remind me of this book. Because when these relatives come, they come bearing fried chicken and potato casserole and sticky, sweaty kids and desserts to die for and sweet tea and stories of things that have happened since the last reunion. And of course, we swing on that swing.

This week wasn't really a reunion though. Just me and the kids, my mom, my grandmother and her sisters, and a few cousins that stopped by. But we still had fried chicken. And potato casserole. And yummy dessert and sweet tea and stories. And the weather was almost warm enough to make my kids sticky and sweaty. But not quite. I love knowing that the swing is only a couple of hours drive away from my house. I hate that I don't get to make the trip to swing on it more often. I just picked up Beth Moore's book, Feathers from my Nest, in which she talks about different aspects of mothering, often tied into some object she finds or notices. This swing is one of my feathers.

~Melody :-)

And since I haven't linked up with anyone in awhile, I decided to link up with Serenity Now. Click the button and enjoy some weekend bloggy reading.

Pottery Barn Style?

I couldn't resist this blog carnival today. I love that someone out there is recognizing those of us who love Pottery Barn but can't always afford it-- so we make do with other options. Yup, this blog carnival is all about recognizing the way women everywhere have been able to pull off the Pottery Barn look without the Pottery Barn price tag.

I love, LOVE, love Pottery Barn and never cease to be inspired by their catalogs. Lucky for me, our house is nearly 100 years old, so that helps add to some of the charm and character and overall Pottery Barn look. Some of my favorite Pottery Barn-esque areas of our house include:
1. Our main hallway which is a collage of various picture frames and even a shadow box. Some of the frames hold actual photographs while others hold postcards or miniature posters.
2. This built in cabinet with glass doors came with the house and it's probably one of my favorite things in the whole house. Thankfully, we have dishes that match and look good showing through. But I must confess, the white dishes are Pottery Barn. Part of the Great White Collection that we registered for when we got married. I have awesome friends and family who got us everything we needed. Oh yeah, ignore the mess on the counter. :-)
3. Our mantel. The painted brick is beautiful, the logs (fake b/c our fireplace is gas) look cozy, and the mish-mash of frames on the mantel just add to the look. Okay, okay, you caught me again though. Yes, those are Pottery Barn monogrammed stockings. Don't judge. The silver stocking holders that spell out JOY came from Target though. :-) Which is where the bud vases below came from (they're on the mantel now).
These cost me a whopping $2.50!
Cate's nursery is my last PB inspired stop on this blog carnival tour. But I must confess, the bedding, rug, curtains, and quilt (pictured below) are all from Pottery Barn. HOWEVER-- I got the whole kit n' caboodle for $100. Someone in the district where I work bought all of this stuff new for her son's nursery. He NEVER slept in the nursery when he first came home and when he was about 4 months old, they upgraded to a bigger house and decided to do a baseball nursery for him instead (they didn't know they were having a boy). So basically she had all of this brand new baby stuff from Pottery Barn, but couldn't return it since it was opened and she no longer had all of the original packaging or receipts. Major score for us since all of that would have cost at least 5 times as much if we'd bought it.
Cate's changing table came from Target though. The bins-- Bed, Bath, and Beyond (love those coupons they mail out all the time). The rocking chair-- hand me down from my mom who rocked me and my siblings in it. And her crib-- Pottery Barn, but from Once Upon a Child. Her whole nursery, furniture included, cost us about $350 total to outfit!

I'm not an expert, but I think we do the Pottery Barn look pretty well around here. What do you think?

~Melody :-)